amor ad vitam

“Look - I get it. You got hurt in the past. We all have. It’s something that just happens. And we didn’t see it coming. And it was painful. And you never want to go through that again. And I don’t blame you.

But you see, here’s the thing, if we don’t stay open, we run the risk of even worse pain - the pain of living an unfulfilled life. And the worst pain of all: being on our death beds and realizing how we SHOULD have lived. And all the opportunity you missed out on. When we sit and stare back at our lives, will we see a life well lived? Or will we see a life wasted and full of regret.

That kind of pain is far worse than the temporary pain healing your Heart. A strange thing happens to the Heart when it’s hurt. It actually grows back stronger and with more Love - for itself and others. What keeps us trapped is not our ability or desire to be Loved. No. What holds us back is the story we tell ourselves about the pain we’ve experienced in the past.

We experience pain and then make up a story about how it will ALWAYS be like this, or ALL MEN/WOMEN are cheaters, or how if one person rejects us that must mean the WHOLE WORLD has rejected us. Thoughts like this run deep. Not just in love relationships, but in our family. Our model of how to Love and Be Loved was learned at home. How we grew up, the environment we were in and who was there directly affected and molded how we see the world today. Many of the thoughts and behaviors we have aren’t even our own. They are learned patterns that we picked up from others.

And so when we have these patterns in us, generalize about how the WHOLE world is, and then take ACTION from that belief… guess what happens? We produce a result that is in alignment with our belief. And then we prove the story we are telling ourselves to be true. We prove over and over again that the world is against us, or that all men/women are assholes and can’t be trusted, or that we aren’t worthy of Love.

So the question is, what story would you LIKE to live? And do you have the guts, balls, strength, inner resolve, determination, patience and faith to actually live that kind of life? Up until today you have been living a certain pattern and thinking that all of life is that way. But what if it were true that that wasn’t how LIFE IS… but it’s how YOU ARE? What if that were true? And what if, instead of waiting for life and/or others to change, you took your power back and changed yourself? What if you actually had the courage to stay open and risk being hurt again, not because the world is against your or because you aren’t love-able, no, but because you want to live life WIIIIDE open, with no regret having given it your all?

What new story do you want to tell yourself? Can you open up and Love again? Can you risk the temporary pain of hurt for the long term bliss of knowing you lived you life loudly and proudly on your terms, sharing as much Love as you could? “

What can I say? I can’t relate.  
I can’t push this all down the same.
My masquerade, I just maintain.
All this torment, it makes me sane.
You weren’t there to believe I can barely see, that it’s killing me
I can barely breath.
No one ever sees that its killing me.
I can barely breath, at the sight of truth
Is this what i should do? Tear myself down in two?  
I’m all out of faith, this pen can’t erase my untold truth.
I’m upside down, I’ve split myself again in two.
This is my way of making me pay.
I’m holding this all back for love and disgrace.
I’ve made some mistakes and have to replace all this anguish that i love to hate. 
I’m all out of faith, this pen can’t erase my untold truth.
This is me and it’s what i do.